Why Would My Husband Want to Spank Me?
If I were a vanilla husband approached by a wife with a request to be spanked, what on earth would convince me to do this? As the wife who is requesting this, I totally get all the blogs I read about how this will make me feel good… how this may improve our marriage. I am totally seduced by everything I read on the various blogs I’ve followed and those which have linked to my blog. I look for common threads, success stories, bursts of sanity in all this, and constantly remind myself there is no “rule book” per se, and that everyone else out there is just throwing out their opinions on this matter.
In my effort to try to understand why DD/TTWD/Taken in Hand is NOT happening for us after 4 months of actively proposing and supporting this request to my DH (by my efforts to allow him to dominate and submitting to him), I’m trying to get into his reluctant brain. Even “playing” and trying it from an erotic perspective is just not jelling for him.
He doesn’t want to hurt me (even though I want him to spank me hard). He doesn’t want another child to have to manage (even though I try to convince him that’s not what it’s about). This sounds like one more unpleasant chore to him. I am not so horrible as to “deserve” a punishment spanking (sorry, I’m an intelligent, adult, grown woman… I can exercise self-control when needed). I rarely “make” my husband angry (although I know things about me or my disrespectful or dismissive attitudes may annoy him or frustrate him–he prides himself on his tempered attitudes, ability to compromise, and self-control–he LOVES his role as the “voice of reason” in our family). Most ironically for him, is if I really want to be spanked as a punishment… won’t I be inclined to do things to “deserve” punishment (i.e. be a brat)? This last one is something my DH really has a hard time getting his head around, and I admit I do too. I don’t want to be a brat. He doesn’t want a brat.
So then we go to stuff like “reminder” or “maintenance” spankings. OK–those actually make a little more sense to me… I get to feel his authority over me (what I crave), and I am reminded he is HOH. But so contrived and premeditated and I think very, very difficult for him to be comfortable doing on a regular basis. He especially would feel like a bully spanking me “just because” or just to show me he’s boss (even if I want this).
Above all, my husband doesn’t have a kinky bone in his body. Which is how he views all this, I think. And even though I do have some kinky bones… our public lives just do not in any way, shape or form support this kink or lifestyle. It would always be a deep, dark secret with the potential of making my DH feel very, very uncomfortable.
I’m not seeing a clear path here to what I want. And it is frustrating. Top it all with coming out of a busy holiday season that provided very little privacy (I see this same theme in other wives’ blogs), and him feeling more run down and fighting a cold… along with ED issues–we’re kinda at a low point.
Tomorrow is the first of our Wednesday morning “dates” where we will have the privacy to explore. I’m trying hard not to get my hopes up too much for fear of being disappointed. As another woman recently blogged– morning sex just doesn’t scream “hot.” My ideal scene is a spanking that ends with dominant, possessive sex from him, orgasm for me, and ends with calm and peaceful cuddling at the end as we drift off to sleep. Not jumping up to start a hectic day.