Keeping it Classy
I was intrigued over at Athol’s Married Man Sex Language site by a recent posting. A woman was asking about letting her hair go it’s natural grey color.
@Angela: What does everyone think about a woman letting her hair go gray at 50? I am toying with the idea. Can this be sexy, or am I completely ruining my Sex Rank? Can’t get any opinion from my husband, I don’t know whether he doesn’t care, or what.
Athol: Whatever it is you chose, just make it look like money was involved in it’s production.
<insert many pics of doggystyle approved older chicks with gray hair>
Leave it to Athol to come up with the obvious. His take on all this is that “Women Wear money as a Display of High Value” I call it “Keeping it Classy” or keeping it all in perspective.
I have my own strong feelings about this: I’ve had a few girlfriends go grey and natural (aka, “wiry”) and as pretty as I believe their faces are (combined with a long-standing love of their character and personalities), it ages them terribly and screams “old lady.” I’m a mature woman (I hate stating my age because I just don’t feel it and I feel it brings judgment… although if you dig deeply enough in my posts, you’ll probably figure it out) and “blessed” with long, shiny sun-streaked blond locks (restored every 5 weeks at the hairdressers). I’ve always felt my hair was my “crowning glory” even when my physical shape was less than perfect, and I took good care of it and styled it nicely (I’m lucky to have natural curls or can straighten sleek-and admit that the guys seem to prefer the straight and silky look, while women envy the natural curl). Now that I’m back in shape, I definitely enjoy the looks of other men, although sometimes (in passing) there is an occasional confused look from a much younger guy who spied the long blond hair and tight jeans before the face. Trying to keep it classy… not brassy. If you’re happy with the grandma look… go gray. But it rarely shouts sexy IMHO.
Again, I truly feel, the key concept in general is keep it classy. What the toned teens and 20-somethings are wearing is NOT appropriate for 40s and 50s (and possibly some 30s) no matter how fit you are. Shopping in Forever 21 is NOT a good idea past 35. Those cute looks your teen daughters are wearing are cute because they are teens! Just because it fits you doesn’t mean it’s right for you. You can see a very toned and well-coiffed woman wearing Juicy Couture and stilettos in the grocery store… but then she shows you her 50-60 something face and it’s creepy. It just doesn’t go together. As much as we mature ladies may try, it’s all not going to hang as nicely as in our 20s… so you dress to compliment. Even if the “styles” are strapless or sleeveless, skin-tight or short-shorts, I avoid in public because my arms and legs just aren’t as “young and toned” as I’d like (a massive weight loss didn’t help in the toned skin department). If I were Michelle Obama, I’d not worry about the sleeveless! Winter is actually my favorite dressing time because covering legs and upper arms gives off a nicer, sharper, sexier image than letting ”mature” skin be exposed. And as for my sun-streaked blond–that was my “natural color” until my 20s… when I started to darkening a bit, the highlights started; when I started greying, the blonding started. If you look at any pic of me in my 20s, that is how my hair color looks now. It still matches my skin tone and my personality (and NOT “dumb blond,” a moniker I honestly think was made up by jealous non-blonds!). I think going unnaturally bleached blond is not attractive on ANY woman, much less a mature one. And I at times struggle with the question of at what age is longer (below shoulders) hair still appropriate? I’ll never go for short hair… but too long hair on mature women can also be inappropriate.
[When I was in my "professional job" in my 20s, I quickly learned how a well-tailored suit or dress (not too short) and reasonable heels brought much more respect than a flouncy, sexy outfit. I showed very, very little skin, possibly a peak of clavicle from a scooped-neck blouse under a suit. Perhaps not all men like that look, but it turns out
that this was a look my DH loved about me, and thought was very sexy. To this day I will get the most sincere compliments from him when I’m wearing something very tailored and sharp (I think he’s one of those men who truly enjoys the “mystery” of what’s underneath). I always made sure my hair was styled nicely, I had on appropriate makeup (not too much) and accessorized. The decent men I worked with complimented me often with appreciate looks and occasional verbal compliments, but any sexual thoughts never surfaced. The idiot chauvinists (think older, lecherous married men, who thought they might trade their cooperation for favors with a young professional woman, or worse, were “owed” something for working collaboratively) who licked their lips were actually the most fun to play with. They saw the blond hair and legs and drool, and believe they had an easy conquest. I played up to their chauvinism whenever I needed to get my job done or a favor, then spit them out when I was done. The fun was saving the sexier–but still classy– looks for formal events.]
As for the 30 and 40-something moms– what example are you giving your daughters and sons? It’s one thing that your husband loves to see your body, cleavage, lots of skin and appreciates it… it’s quite another when you are out in public being ogled (rather than “appreciated”–I mean I think most men like that other men look at their wives and appreciate and think “lucky guy,” rather than ogle the wife’s cleavage or butt cheeks and say, “hmmmm, how can I get me some of that?”) Keep it classy, ladies. Honor your husband and save the boner-inducing looks for his eyes only. That’s what lingerie is for!
Clean, neat, pressed, fit, styled hair, nice smile, and appropriate makeup are all irresistible looks on a woman of any age. Showing you care enough to style your hair and wear clothing that compliments your body is classy and sexy.
So Athol has it right– show your value and don’t cheapen yourself. I’ve got to say–even to those women who go grey because their loving husbands say “I think you’re beautiful no matter what,” or “you look hot in sweats and an old t-shirt” well, it’s a sweet sentiment, but do your public looks compliment him? Does your appearance say you care to make yourself look the best you can for him? Are his friends going, “Yeah, there’s Tom. He’s married to that old-looking woman… or that slob… or that woman with the nice rack…” Trust me, they are not looking at your great personality: the grey hair/exposed boobs/messy clothes just screams too loudly.
There MAY be a time in my life that I’m content with the grandma look… but it’s still quite a way off into my future (like 70s?)