Insights from Athol on Leadership (aka Dominance)
I’m reblogging this very insightful piece by Athol Kay over at Married Man Sex Language. Always some great thoughts! Although most of us around here know that it’s not just the need for “some weekly amounts of leadership,” but a constant flow of knowing he’s in charge and not afraid to be!
The Leadership Moment Quota
Something I’m seeing a whole lot of these days is what I’m calling the Leadership Moment Quota. Which means, the wife needs to experience some minimum weekly amount of moments of leadership from her husband, for her to
act right feel happy about the relationship.
If she gets these Leadership Moments, everything goes pretty smoothly. She likes her husband. She’s agreeable. Sweet. Doting. Charming. Horizontal.
If she doesn’t get enough Leadership Moments… she has to create them by Fitness Testing her husband to try and force them out of him. This annoys her somewhat even if you pass the Fitness Test and really annoys her if you don’t.
So, what’s a Leadership Moment?
It’s any time you (1) create a default choice for something to do, (2) make a decision for her, or (3) ask her to do something for you. Let’s walk through them.
Create a default choice for something to do.
“Let’s get Chinese food and watch Battlestar Galactica on Netflix.”
“Let’s go to the beach on Saturday.”
“I’ll come grocery shopping with you, but we should hit Panera for lunch first.”
“I’ll get the wine, you get the lingerie.”
This works because rather than being some hardass command from above, it creates a default course of action. If she wants to suggest something else to do, she can, but it’s going to require a lot more mental effort coming up with something else to do and justifying why it’s better than your idea. Most times, she’ll just take the path of least resistance and say, “okay”. Which nets you a +1 for a leadership moment. She doesn’t care what happens, she just wants you to create some basic direction she can go along with.
Make a decision for her.
Jennifer: “The red or the blue?”
Jennifer: “Peach or cherry?”
Athol: “Well I’ve had your cherry… so peach.”
Jennifer: “We can have leftover chicken and make soup, or I could go get fish and do it on the grill.”
Athol: “Do the fish. Whatever looks good at the store is fine.”
That all seem stupidly easy, because honestly it kind of is stupidly easy. Unfortunately most husbands just see these questions as pointless and annoying. We don’t care if it’s red or blue, we don’t care if it’s peach or cherry, we don’t care if it’s soup or fish. She probably doesn’t care either, that’s why she’s asking. All she’s looking for is for you to make a pointless, trivial, token decision because it makes her feel attracted to you when you make decisions like a boss. Just pick one.
Ask her to do something for you.
This is one mildly harder than the others, but still fairly simple. You just ask her to do something for you.
“Hey can you roast a chicken for dinner? We haven’t had that for a while.”
“I need new shirts, can you shop and find me a couple please. Something like the purple one I have, and anything else that you like is fine.”
“In case we lose power, can you please check on batteries, food and water. I’ll do the propane tank refilling.”
“Can you take this to the post office please.”
As long as the task is easy enough to do, and there’s no reason not to do it, she’ll very likely just go do it and enjoy it as you creating a Leadership Moment. The key is that these are reasonable requests in a reasonable tone of voice. You’re just asking her to do them because you can use her assistance… which frames her as your assistant… which makes her see you as the leader. Thus generating more attraction to you.
The point is that these are all dominance moves, but they are essentially an understated dominance. There’s no threat behind them or harsh tones. It’s simply setting a direction, asking for what you want, asking for her assistance. You’re just assuming her submissive instinct is going to kick in and she’s going to enjoy the direction. Because after all, female submission doesn’t need to be forced, simply evoked.