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Keeping it Classy

July 12, 2013

I was intrigued over at Athol’s Married Man Sex Language site by a recent posting. A woman was asking about letting her hair go it’s natural grey color.

@Angela: What does everyone think about a woman letting her hair go gray at 50? I am toying with the idea. Can this be sexy, or am I completely ruining my Sex Rank? Can’t get any opinion from my husband, I don’t know whether he doesn’t care, or what.

Athol: Whatever it is you chose, just make it look like money was involved in it’s production.

<insert many pics of doggystyle approved older chicks with gray hair>




Leave it to Athol to come up with the obvious.  His take on all this is that “Women Wear money as a Display of High Value”  I call it “Keeping it Classy” or keeping it all in perspective.


I have my own strong feelings about this:  I’ve had a few girlfriends go grey and natural (aka, “wiry”) and as pretty as I believe their faces are (combined with a long-standing love of their character and personalities), it ages them terribly and screams “old lady.”    I’m a mature woman (I hate stating my age because I just don’t feel it and I feel it brings judgment… although if you dig deeply enough in my posts, you’ll probably figure it out) and “blessed” with long, shiny sun-streaked blond locks (restored every 5 weeks at the hairdressers).  I’ve always felt my hair was my “crowning glory” even when my physical shape was less than perfect, and I took good care of it  and styled it nicely (I’m lucky to have natural curls or can straighten sleek-and admit that the guys seem to prefer the straight and silky look, while women envy the natural curl).  Now that I’m back in shape, I definitely enjoy the looks of other men, although sometimes (in passing) there is an occasional confused look from a much younger guy who spied the long blond hair and tight jeans before the face.  Trying to keep it classy… not brassy.  If you’re happy with the grandma look… go gray.  But it rarely shouts sexy IMHO.

MP900149070[1]Again, I truly feel, the key concept in general is keep it classy. What the toned teens and 20-somethings are wearing is NOT appropriate for 40s and 50s (and possibly some 30s) no matter how fit you are. Shopping in Forever 21 is NOT a good idea past 35.  Those cute looks your teen daughters are wearing are cute because they are teens!  Just because it fits you doesn’t mean it’s right for you.  You can see a very toned and well-coiffed woman wearing Juicy Couture and stilettos in the grocery store… but then she shows you her 50-60 something face and it’s creepy.  It just doesn’t go together.  As much as we mature ladies may try, it’s all not going to hang as nicely as in our 20s… so you dress to compliment. Even if the “styles” are strapless or sleeveless, skin-tight or short-shorts, I avoid in public because my arms and legs just aren’t as “young and toned” as I’d like (a massive weight loss didn’t help in the toned skin department). If I were Michelle Obama, I’d not worry about the sleeveless!  Winter is actually my favorite dressing time because covering legs and upper arms gives off a nicer, sharper, sexier image than letting “mature” skin be exposed. And as for my sun-streaked blond–that was my “natural color” until my 20s… when I started to darkening a bit, the highlights started; when I started greying, the blonding started. If you look at any pic of me in my 20s, that is how my hair color looks now. It still matches my skin tone and my personality (and NOT “dumb blond,” a moniker I honestly think was made up by jealous non-blonds!). I think going unnaturally bleached blond is not attractive on ANY woman, much less a mature one.  And I at times struggle with the question of at what age is longer (below shoulders) hair still appropriate?  I’ll never go for short hair… but too long hair on mature women can also be inappropriate.

[When I was in my “professional job” in my 20s, I quickly learned how a well-tailored suit or dress (not too short) and reasonable heels brought much more respect than a flouncy, sexy outfit.  I showed very, very little skin, possibly a peak of clavicle from a scooped-neck blouse under a suit.  Perhaps not all men like that look, but it turns out

The sexy formal outfit... ahh, to be 20-something again!

The sexy formal outfit… ahh, to be 20-something again!

that this was a look my DH loved about me, and thought was very sexy.  To this day I will get the most sincere compliments from him when I’m wearing something very tailored and sharp (I think he’s one of those men who truly enjoys the “mystery” of what’s underneath).  I always made sure my hair was styled nicely, I had on appropriate makeup (not too much) and accessorized.  The decent men I worked with complimented me often with appreciate looks and occasional verbal compliments, but any sexual thoughts never surfaced.  The idiot chauvinists (think older, lecherous married men, who thought they might trade their cooperation for favors with a young professional woman, or worse, were “owed” something for working collaboratively) who licked their lips were actually the most fun to play with.  They saw the blond hair and legs and drool, and believe they had an easy conquest.  I played up to their chauvinism whenever I needed to get my job done or a favor, then spit them out when I was done.  The fun was saving the sexier–but still classy– looks for formal events.]

As for the 30 and 40-something moms– what example are you giving your daughters and sons?  It’s one thing that your husband loves to see your body, cleavage, lots of skin and appreciates it… it’s quite another when you are out in public being ogled (rather than “appreciated”–I mean I think most men like that other men look at their wives and appreciate and think “lucky guy,” rather than ogle the wife’s cleavage or butt cheeks and say, “hmmmm, how can I get me some of that?”)  Keep it classy, ladies.  Honor your husband and save the boner-inducing looks for his eyes only.  That’s what lingerie is for!

Clean, neat, pressed, fit, styled hair, nice smile, and appropriate makeup are all irresistible looks on a woman of any age.   Showing you care enough to style your hair and wear clothing that compliments your body is classy and sexy.

So Athol has it right– show your value and don’t cheapen yourself. I’ve got to say–even to those women who go grey because their loving husbands say “I think you’re beautiful no matter what,” or “you look hot in sweats and an old t-shirt” well, it’s a sweet sentiment, but do your public looks compliment him? Does your appearance say you care to make yourself look the best you can for him?  Are his friends going, “Yeah, there’s Tom. He’s married to that old-looking woman…  or that slob…  or that woman with the nice rack…”   Trust me, they are not looking at your great personality: the grey hair/exposed boobs/messy clothes just screams too loudly.

There MAY be a time in my life that I’m content with the grandma look… but it’s still quite a way off into my future (like 70s?)

10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2013 12:54 pm

    Oh, I don’t know….I think a lot of men look sexy with grey hair! You know…silver foxes!
    : ) And women too, there are some gorgeous heads of grey or silver hair out there! I think its just a personal preference and what type of hair you have-fine-full-frizzy-etc. and how you take care of it. Just like some clothes might look better on a certain body type, I think hair is much the same. We all have genetics we have to deal with, so you go with whatever complements your body the best.
    I don’t know if I will go grey or not. I’m not opposed to it. I will wait and see how the texture of my hair changes. I was natural blonde all through my childhood, but have gradually, without artificial color gone darker. I now have a lucious thick, dark brown, long as rapunzel hair and I love it! It works for me so I’ll stick with that until it doesn’t anymore and then find something else. Its always fun to get out of the house and go to the salon!

  2. Imhis permalink
    July 12, 2013 1:27 pm

    Boy you’ve been on a writing binge… Enjoying the posts.
    I know I could do much better in this area. I think for many years while the children were younger I never felt it necessary to primp for my DH as I didn’t feel the need to impress him. It’s scrubs for work and “comfy” clothes at home. I rarely if ever have worn make-up. I feel now impressed to make the effort or change but still rarely take the time to make me a priority.
    On another note, in the past weeks two of our daughters have gotten engaged and weddings are months away. How,if at all, does one share the value of submissiveness to them in their relationships . I know I am much happier now than ever before in our 25 years of marriage. Any advice?

    • July 12, 2013 2:19 pm

      Yes ma’am on the writing binge. It’s what I love to do!

      Wow!! TWO engaged and both getting married in a month?? Oh my, I should pray for you! We’ll be there someday (God willing), so glad DH is a planner, weddings were a line item in his savings budget.

      Good question. Deserves a blog! Quick answer… I think it’s extremely tough in today’s world for women AND men to recognize the beauty of appropriate submission in marriage. The brainwashing has been so complete that most women (and men) feel wrong even thinking that word much less uttering it. My sorrow is that my daughters have not gotten to witness that in our marriage for the majority of the time they’ve been home, so I’ve not been a good example. Hopefully they’ll see some of it before they’re totally gone from home, but perhaps one day when they a ready to marry, I may feel comfortable enough explaining to them how I was misguided and wrong about submission, and how much happier these later years have been because of it. One thing we’ve got going for us, is that our daughters are incredibly Godly young women (perhaps one thing we did “right” although can’t take all the credit, but we did our best to “train them up in the way they should go”) who have a heart for God’s Word and who as Christians do understand submission in Biblical terms, at least to God’s will. They also took purity pledges and have a wonderful group of like-minded friends, all beautiful girls who see value in saving their purity for a spouse and not getting involved in physical relationships with boys at this time.

      But thank you for giving me a posting idea, I’ll get back with more thoughts later! Although these posts aren’t necessarily about submission in marriage, what I wrote on Purity might give you some thoughts.

      • Imhis permalink
        July 12, 2013 6:31 pm

        Actually the weddings are over the next 8 months. But yes both girls are pure. This does not happen by accident. A lot of communication and father daughter time goes into that special gift. Just yesterday DH and middle daughter went and bought her her dress . As he stood at the counter with a handful of $100’s he pulled her aside and looked into her eyes and asked if she earned the dress . Of course she is marrying the youth pastor so we were pretty certain. But yes she does understand a biblical submission of a wife Being a help meet. Would still appreciate feedback. I guess the girls were blessed with parents who loved one another.

      • July 12, 2013 8:20 pm

        Aw, that is so special! Love it!

        I’m writing up my thoughts and will post soon! So happy your daughters learned the value of their purity. Not an easy message in this day and age.

  3. July 12, 2013 2:03 pm

    Totally agreed on men with grey hair! Can be very sexy (Richard Gere)! No fair!! And as a woman, I agree that I’ve seen some gorgeous silvery-haired mature ladies (who are very fit, chic and stylish all over), but I think it’s very rare to have that silky perfect silver naturally. When a husband and wife compliment each other’s looks (i.e. both grey) then it seems natural both are fine with grey. I definitely think everyone does what’s comfortable for them, but the original question Althol was entertaining was if grey hair on women is sexy (at a glance, not with the woman you adore inside and out for 30+ years)? When you love someone, I know it shouldn’t matter… but I guess I also want to keep up appearances (and not look prematurely aged) since it honors my man. Wonder what the guys say?

  4. July 12, 2013 6:48 pm

    Thanks for the link love!

  5. July 12, 2013 8:29 pm

    Great post, I’m not going grey yet, but I’m starting to have to give up the cute teeny bopper clothes I love. I’ve been trying to figure out a classy style I like that suits me and I keep switching between Jacquie Kennedy and Hippy-Boheme, but on the conservative side. My mom colors her grey and no one seems to notice, it looks good on her. did you know you can get the stylist to color your eyebrows too?

    • July 12, 2013 8:34 pm

      LOL, absolutely on the brows!! Blonds have a real problem with disappearing eyebrows!

      It’s fun trying on the new styles (has especially been since I lost weight) but I have to use a critical eye. Even though my body can wear Miss Me jeans with lots of pocket bling… I have to ask myself, why am I attracting attention to my butt?

      And the scariest thing of all is that seeing a photograph shows me when something doesn’t work– more so than the mirror. I’ve made some serious fashion flubs that I don’t realize until I see a photo and want to die.

      Thanks for the feedback!

  6. July 12, 2013 8:29 pm

    You’re welcome. I enjoy reading your blog and books. I’m “honored” you came looking here! As I’m hoping to e-publish soon, perhaps you’ll return the favor someday!

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